The future is now

Yes, I did go to the gym this morning. Somehow, I managed to get up at 5 f*cking 30 in the morning (in daylight-savings-time, no less), get dressed while semi-asleep, and run to the gym, which is about 8 blocks away from my apartment (OK, so it's 6 short and one long). Now I am absolutely falling asleep on my desk.

I decided to finally use the membership that I have been paying for since January, after being in the park this Sunday. "Juan" and I decided to take advantage of the beautiful spring day and headed up to Central Park [will post pics later]. Most of the grass areas were still off-limits to give grass a chance to recover from the winter, but we still found a space that wasn't so crowded and sat there for a while. I had my first dirty-water dog of the season, and my first ice-cream cone outside. That was all I needed to do to welcome the warm weather. While we were there I did some serious people watching, and I realized that I still don't have that "maternity" bug... I know because I looked more at the cute dogs than at the children (Juan was looking at both, but that's a whole different can of worms).

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have the guts to bring a child into this world. I don't know, but the mere idea of it scares me. I just think that bringing a person to life must be a huge responsibility. Responsibility for a life, a happiness, a future. A brand new biography waiting to be written. Or a movie. Whatever. Would it be a happy one? A funny one? Probably a bit of everything, as it always is. But the idea still scares me. And I am not ready to face that fear yet, in spite of my grandfather's opinion.

I like talking to my grandpa, but sometimes when I deal with my family I need to prepare myself in advance. I prepare little life-savers, like having the bottle of anti-depressants, or the glass of wine, or the straight-up dirty martini handy (note that I wrote "OR", I am not ready for a trip to the ER... Yet). Or taking a long, hot bubble bath, or having a nice dinner, or going on a shopping spree for completely unnecessary things. And then I wonder why I don't have any money saved, or any space left in my closet...! Just now I am going to a wonderful Kate Spade sample sale. I will try not to do too much damage to my credit card.