I have had a really terrible day at work... no actually, make that a month. I do enjoy what I do for a living, or at least most of the time, so I am lucky in that sense. However, the PEOPLE that I work with are sometimes hard to swallow, to say the least. Specially one. It is really hard to try to be productive at work when the person that is directly above you makes the best attempts at making your life a living hell. When he sabotages you, belittles you, makes totally inappropriate remarks, but you cannot report him to the HR department because he happens to be BF with the head of such department.
I am not trying to be whiny and bitch, but it is REALLY draining to live this situation on a daily basis. So I made a decision: I am going to search for a new job. Life is too short to be miserable, and I know that: both my parents died in freaky accidents (make that all my parents: my mom, my dad, and my biological father). So I am saying NO to staying in a miserable marriage (which I am already working on), and NO to keep dealing with a miserable boss. I am starting the search tonight, as soon as I get back from the bar that I will go to drink my pain away. At least I already moved out and I live in that apartment that was empty for three months. And I am trying to enjoy my own life without being completely preoccupied about my family. They are too far away anyway, and I believe they know that I love them. And that is what matters. Now I have to worry about me. I am 33 years old and it is about time I consider myself first and enjoy the time I have on this planet. Of course I will go back to thinking about saving the world eventually, but for now at least, I am thinking about ME. One must be selfish to survive. And I am in a very "surviving" state of mind.
Sometimes, however, I feel a little numb. Like I live my life on a day-to-day basis. Like I am not really doing anything that "matters". Like I wake up, rush to work, work-work-work, go home and crash and watch TV, fall asleep, and then do it all over again the next day. I will have to become a little bit more imaginative and creative with my time. I guess that's why I came back here today, because I needed to put these thoughts out there. To feel some sort of commitment to do something, because once you say something out loud you look like a fool if you don't follow through.
Also, it is a good rehearsal for my dream of writing a book someday. I have set my own little deadline for it: it will be done when I am 35. So I have 15 months to do it. God knows if it will be good for anything, but I will try.
I am dreaming of a vodka tonic right now. In a nice, tall glass with a lime wedge to go with it. And preferably someone pretty to look at while I drink it. Definitely sounds appealing. And to top it off: the head of my boss on a stick!
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