Spring cleaning

It is indeed ironic that today, as cold as it is outside and pretty much the only storm day we've had this winter, I did some serious spring cleaning.

Today, as I opened up my pantry to get some food (it is too cold outside to even venture out if it is not absolutely necessary), I saw some tiny little insects crawling around in my pantry. At first, I was disgusted and I started looking for the culprit. But then, as I was emptying the whole pantry, I realized all that has been taken from it. I saw several half-empty packages of food full of bugs that got in there because I left these packages there, unattended, not thinking about them because I had not opened them yet. And it feels like my pantry and I are sharing the same experience: we have both been ransacked and left with some rotting spoils.

I realize now that this was all my responsibility, because I was too trusting. I never saw the entitlement in the taking, because I opened up my doors so wide and freely, it was just way too easy for anyone to get in (even the bugs…).

Sometimes I wonder why I let myself be so easily deceived. After all, I believe I am somewhat smart, but I guess these past couple of years I was also very needy and vulnerable. I needed someone to trust, but I have -sometimes- chosen the wrong people to trust. I have allowed myself to be let down, not only as a woman, but also as a friend. And it hurts, but I will get over it, as I will get over several things that are still out there, alive, crawling, waiting to die. Waiting for me to kill them. And I will. I am.

Isn't it amazing how a tiny little bug can deliver such a powerful message? Ridding myself of garbage. What a great way to get ready for spring! So, as of today, another lesson learned. Another thing to toss. Thank you for that.